I have been ruminating for a long while now, on all the aspects of motherhood, from the tangible -what does it feel like, to the intangible moments when a mother bonds to her child through the flow of her milk from deep within her to nourish her child, I have been thinking about how I have followed my friends adventures through motherhood, from pregnancy to screaming annoying/angelic children, and I think about how much i satiate for that feeling to come to me one day, i want to be able to open that door one day, I want to be able to put down this heavy academic mantle and place on the one of motherhood- i know one can do both… and then i revisit something i had written for myself a while back to help me through these anxious moments:
.on motherhood. February 12, 2010
there comes a time in a womans life when her worth is put into question, she questions her worth and forgets her original inestimable value…. this is a time of reflection, it is a dire time for self-analyzation and self preservation and RE-evaluation. It will never be an easy task, but she must hold strong to her principles, whatever they may be, even if they are whimsical. At that time she may compare herself with other women that went before her and those that will come after her, she is in the middle of the road and both sides are apertando-ela*, with her feet on the ground and her eyes towards the sky, she is the intermediate, she IS the change, she is herself at that moment, and she is above all else strong. There is a sense of urgency for her to accomplish, motherhood and a career…awaken…just because you are not yet a mother, or perhaps will never be, you are still a mother to yourself, you are your primary care giver, your primary lover, you awaken the strength within yourself to TAKE CARE of yourself, for how can you take care of others had you not known what it is to love and care for yourself first? It is at that time that she must REMEMBER that unconditional self love is quintessential to survival, and her worth is beyond measure, because she is an original woman and none other will ever be like her after her. Set your pace, and walk your own dream….your evolution comes in small steps, take your own time.